From the world of the stories

Today I belive it was the first time I saw a real descendant of "rumpnissarna", the small, lost and cute beings in Astrid Lindgrens story about Ronia, the Robber's Daughter. She just stod there on the side of the queue in a clothing shop. A small slender girl, light in skin and hair, with a face so much reminding of them.

And as usual I let my thoughts run away for a wail when I satt down just a moment to eat before I should go on with the slalomrace between all people out in the shops.

I wonder how it should be if they were there for real. The beings in Astrid Lindgrens stories, or any other fantasy story too. Walking around among us just like anyone. Or should we humens go together against them, instead of fighting against ourselves as we do now. We have difficulties to accept differences among us human beings. So could we be able to accept other beings around us too, apart from the animals in the woods? Should we envy them for there appearance, ability or powers? And what should happend with all mystical feelings around there stories and worlds? The beauty, longing, dreaming and even eroticism around for example the fairys. Should it still be there? Or is the only thing that makes it, that it's actualy not true? That our brain work it out it self. And if they actualy was here, then whole mystery should disappear. Or should our minds create other new type of beings instead?

Many questions, and of course no answers.
I maybe can ask someone in the dreamlands tonight. I probably should go there soon. Need to get up tomorrow morning. It's time to sign on for some workdays on the boat again, time to get back to my "second home". And some hours sleep before that it's not too bad.

Frost, worldproblems and dreams

Just got inside after transporting myself to a friends place. In a couple of moments on the way I was surrounded of a world in silver and crystal. It's no snow out there, but it's degrees below freezing point and the frost takes over the world, shiny and glimmery. It gives the views new light, new feeling, and it's like the nature wants to remind me about its beauty that it actuallt has even this time a year.

It's like the nature shows it's strength and weakness at the same time. I could hear every move I made, rustle under my feets. I get the feeling of a need to be carefull. Is it a risk that I destroy something if I slip just an inch? Am I doing prints for a longer time? It's a dreamland in the middle of the reality.

It remindes me about my self and my dreams. Can you choose to see things in different ways? The world today is not only a nice place. It's definitly not. It's extreamly lot of evilness and illness, war and poverty, and upon that the now ongoing finance crisis. And ya, I know it's there. But if I should think too much about it I should go down. My mind and my wallet are too small to handle it, even if my heart and my soul wish something else. So for the moment I make my choice to turn a blind eye to the most of this things, the weaknesses in the world and in us humens (even if I'm for example are "worldparent" and support UNICEF). Instead I try to live a bit in my own dreams, concentrate on develop myself, my dreams and my future to something positiv that I self belive in. And gradually I hope I can make more contribution for people oaround me and out in the world. But I belive I have to start with my self first, to have a stable ground under my feet before I start to take to big steps.

Ya, I know. The thoughts can take stranges ways. And this was the way from the frosty trees outside, to the big problems out in the world. Don't ask how I got there. But the mind is a mystery on it's own ;)

The time of waiting...

Is it possible to be physicaly sick of yearning and anxiety?

I often try to get my self to belive that I'm not getting too attach to people I start to like, or that I'm not depending on anyone, in "wrong way".

I do have friends I realy care about. But it's extramly few I let in to my most holy. And when I have got that far, it's with people I never want to lose, never want disappearing from my life. If it's as partners, lovers, friends or what ever, that the future has to show. But my fear is to need to loose them totaly.

Last night I wrote a message to someone that means alot for me, some one I have let in further then I earlyer thought. I don't regret it, but I'm afraid for the painfull process I now maybe have to go through.

Today I woke up to a nervous and painfull waiting. I have been feeling almost feverish all day, as long as no one else distract my thoughts. And the burning pain in the chest, that has been moving around remind me about the black hole in there.

I still haven't got any answer, and I can't do anything else then wait.
I need to find my trust in the future, and believe that the right things happends in the end. What ever they may be.

Have trust...