For a wail now I have start to feel pugnacious agains the thought that I'm not allowed to feel that I am good enough on anything. That I can something about alot of things, but not enough to stand up for what I'm doing and that I do a really good work.
For me it is a matter of course that I don't know "enough". Because enough mean that you don't need to learn more. And I can probably never agree with that. It's always alot more to learn about everything. But on the way I need to get to points for different things where I feel that I'm good enough to stand for what I'm doing. I'm not the best and I'm not the worst but I am me.
In sweden we still have some problems with what we call "jantelagen", or what they in austalia call the "tall poppies syndrome". An unwritten law we grow up with. It's about that you not supposed to belive that you are something special.
I have nice and decent followed the line. Working hard in the dark corners and not made much of a sound anywhere. That has probably slowed me down quiet much.
But simultaneously with that my dreams has been growing through the years, I have start to make fissures in the solid shell of "nobody-ness". And lately I feel like I have started to bend this fissures apart with my bare hands.
I starting to take steps out in the world. In work, with friends, in the cyber, in projects. I dear to show a bit more of my self, my mind and my life. What I'm doing and what I wish to do. Reflekting my dreams and at the same time lighting up a bit of my path.
It's still not that I think I'm better then every one else. But I think I can manage things. I belive in my self in another way then before. But I still love to hear other peoples adventures, experiences and lifes etc. Every person has there own story, and every person has something you can learn from him/her.
Some times I can feel like I am a fighter in a quiet mouse body. Maybe it's time to live that mouse home alone at the cage a bit more in the future and dear to go on with challengeing my self. I'm not only the quiet girl in the corner any longer.
For me it is a matter of course that I don't know "enough". Because enough mean that you don't need to learn more. And I can probably never agree with that. It's always alot more to learn about everything. But on the way I need to get to points for different things where I feel that I'm good enough to stand for what I'm doing. I'm not the best and I'm not the worst but I am me.
In sweden we still have some problems with what we call "jantelagen", or what they in austalia call the "tall poppies syndrome". An unwritten law we grow up with. It's about that you not supposed to belive that you are something special.
I have nice and decent followed the line. Working hard in the dark corners and not made much of a sound anywhere. That has probably slowed me down quiet much.
But simultaneously with that my dreams has been growing through the years, I have start to make fissures in the solid shell of "nobody-ness". And lately I feel like I have started to bend this fissures apart with my bare hands.
I starting to take steps out in the world. In work, with friends, in the cyber, in projects. I dear to show a bit more of my self, my mind and my life. What I'm doing and what I wish to do. Reflekting my dreams and at the same time lighting up a bit of my path.
It's still not that I think I'm better then every one else. But I think I can manage things. I belive in my self in another way then before. But I still love to hear other peoples adventures, experiences and lifes etc. Every person has there own story, and every person has something you can learn from him/her.
Some times I can feel like I am a fighter in a quiet mouse body. Maybe it's time to live that mouse home alone at the cage a bit more in the future and dear to go on with challengeing my self. I'm not only the quiet girl in the corner any longer.
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